wha's like us? Damn few and they'ra a' deid!

The average Englishman in the home, he calls his castle, slips into his national costume - a shabby raincoat - patented by Chemist James Macintosh from Glasgow. Scotland.

En route to his office he strides along the English lane, surfaced by John MacAdam of Ayr. Scotland.

He drives an English car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop, Veterinary Surgeon of Dreghorn. Scotland.

At the Office he receives the mail bearing adhesive stamps invented by John Chalmers, Bookseller and Printer of Dundee. Scotland.

During the day he uses the telephone invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh. Scotland.

At home in the evening his daughter pedals her bicycle invented by Patrick Macmillan, Blacksmith of Thornhill. Scotland.

He watches the news on T.V. an invention of John Logie Baird of Helensburgh. Scotland.

And hears an item about the U.S. Navy founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean. Scotland

Nowhere can an Englishmen turn to escape the ingenuity of the Scots.

He has by now been reminded too much of Scotland and picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot - King James VI - who authorised its translation.

He could take to a drink but Scots make the best in the world.

He could take a rifle and end it all but the breech-loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick Ferguson of Pitfours. Scotland.

If he escaped death, he could find himself on an operating table injected with Penicilin, discovered by Sir Alexander Fleming of Darvel. Scotland.

And given Chloroform, an anaesthetic discovered by Sir James Young Simpson, Obstetrician and Gynaecologist of Bathgate. Scotland.

Out of the Anaesthetic he would find no comfort in learning that he was as safe as the Bank of England founded by William Paterson of Dumfries. Scotland.

Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to get a transfusion of good Scottish blood which would entitle him to ask: wha's like us?